Drive a Morgan now before autonomous cars start thinking entirely for themselves

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‘It’s a kit car, right?’ Don’t you just love Americans… They assume because something is old and interesting, it can’t possibly be manufactured in a conventional way with spanners, tools and scuffed knuckles.

I’m in the car park at Ashford Castle, Cong. Ireland’s top country hotel was the location for the 1952 movie The Quiet Man. John Wayne’s bedroom was just down the hall from mine, and Ted Kennedy below.

So once I’ve informed the ‘noisy’ man that it isn’t a kit car and was actually hand-built by men in England, he’s even more impressed. I should forgive him because right now, Morgans aren’t sold in the US. It’s all to do with health and safety and will, hopefully, be resolved later this year after a change in federal law.

But the Yank likes the car, even though he’s convinced the roar from those four tailpipes comes from a V12. He especially likes the leather interior which, in truth, squeaks and rattles like hell on the road.

And the roads here are some of the best in the world for squeaky driving. The route from Westport to Cong is, well, ‘awesome’. Drive it now in a Morgan, before cars start thinking entirely for themselves…

 

The Morgan Plus 8 looks as if it comes from the pages of Wind In The Willows

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May 22 There are cars that rub people up the wrong way. Count in that pack every BMW X5 ever built, the vehicle with a pointless personalised number plate, and any car with a Porsche badge. I guarantee it – nobody will let you out at a junction.

Morgan isn’t included. Everybody loves the little two seater – perhaps because it looks as if it comes from the pages of Wind In The Willows. Yes, I’ve become Mr Toad in tweed and goggles, parp-parp.

Well, no goggles actually but they would be useful. And the great thing about the Plus 8 is that nobody seems to realise it has a 4.8-litre monster under the bonnet. Let alone one built by BMW.

So my tour of Ireland has got off to a sound start. My lower back is suffering from the hard seats, my sat-nav has packed up (possibly the vibrations through the windscreen!) and it’s pointless turning on the Alpine stereo.

The only thing to do is drop the hood, don a silly hat and drive like Mr Toad…

Like a pre-millennium Alfa Romeo, a modern-day Aston Martin and every Maserati ever built, the Morgan Plus 8 is beautifully flawed

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May 20 There is a moment, after the initial rush of blood to the head, when you have to start living with a new vehicle. Motoring writers tend to ‘own’ test cars for a week – which means we rarely reach what in marital terms is called ‘post honeymoon’.

As much as I love the Plus 8, the Morgan and I would have been divorced within hours of our first encounter, if I had been looking for a long-term commitment, that is. Fortunately, I had no such intention when I made the booking months ago.

The Plus 8 is all about a weekend fling. Pulling on an inappropriate leather jacket, pretending it’s always sunny and using that 390bhp BMW lump to overtake anything and everything that gets in the way.

Like a pre-millennium Alfa Romeo, a modern-day Aston Martin and every Maserati ever built, the Morgan is beautifully flawed and often infuriating.

Yet if you seek the holy grail of passion and soul in a car, well, there aren’t many cars left like this stirring Plus 8 these days…

The £85,000 Morgan Plus 8 – door handles and radio optional

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May 19 One of the men at the Morgan factory in Malvern, Worcestershire, has been making cars for 50 years. Every Morgan is hand-built and looks like it could have been driven off a Jeeves & Wooster film set.

All except this one – the mad, bad and rather pricey Plus 8.

Morgan has retained the retro look for the 8 but given it a modern twist, just like the Aero 8, which will also be re-launched in the coming few months.

We drove the Plus 8 last year and were blown away by a heady package of performance, fun and thrills that far outweighed the car’s shortcomings.

Today we have the 2016 model, with revised chassis and suspension, it’s really just an excuse to get our fix of Plus 8 while the sun shines. Or rather doesn’t , as it’s England in May.

That’s why Car Couture is off to Ireland this weekend where rain is virtually guaranteed. Will the Morgan’s rough edges and even harder ride drive me to drink – or will the thrill of the open road prove more intoxicating?

Join us for a long weekend on the Emerald Isle to find out….

The windscreen is an extra but the Morgan Plus 8 is a superstar car

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Black Tuesday – they’re coming shortly to take the Plus 8 away. Hmm not sure I’m going to be in – not even the prospect of an Audi R8 landing tomorrow is raising my spirits.

See the Plus 8 is a one of a kind. You can go faster in a Golf R, have more comfort in a Mercedes SL and stay dry in a Porsche, even when it’s raining. But the Morgan? Well, it’s kind of unique in the car market right now.

Caterham and Ariel make equally bonkers cars but the Plus 8 could, feasibly, be used all year round. Okay, so the windscreen is an extra but let’s not split hairs here.

I’m truly, truly going to miss this wonderful like motor car. If you have a heart and can be slightly irrational sometimes, nothing comes close…

Are you head or heart person? If may define whether like Morgans or not

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Whether or not you ‘get’ the Plus 8 may well depend on whether you are a heart or head person.

The Morgan has a fuel gauge that flicks between 3/4 full and empty at will; the heater throws out waves of warm air whenever it feels like it; the suspension is rock hard, while noise from those quad exhaust pipes is so loud that the music system is pointless.

Despite these facts, ‘heart’ people will swoon over the pure driving experience. It brings out the lunatic in you for a while – then you just settle down to enjoy the rumble of the V8, the majestic overtaking power and, of course, peering down that long, low bonnet.

Not everybody likes the Morgan. It’s too retro, too old-fashioned for some. But there’s something about this car that gets under your skin. You won’t find it in a tick box review in a motoring magazine test but believe me, the experience is overwhelming…

The Morgan Plus 8 is like a Spitfire – you can wear goggles and gloves and not feel a twat

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A couple of months back I flew in a Spitfire – the aircraft, not the car. It was a sensory overload with noise, smell and vibration turning my knees to jelly and moistening the eyes.

The road-going version is the Morgan Plus 8. You can even wear goggles and a flying jacket and not look too much of a twat. The perfect antidote for over-branded Harley-Davidson riders who often do.

You don’t drive a Morgan you become part of the machine. It’s a hands on, demanding assault on the senses that few cars can deliver. The Porsche Boxster is probably the best convertible on the market right now but it’s totally sanatised and ‘safe’ in comparison.

You can drink coffee in a Boxster and make phone calls. They’ve even put a music system in for when you get bored of pressing the acoustic exhaust button. The Morgan has a music system too but I guarantee you will never use it (which is possibly why it’s hidden away under the dashboard!).

There’s no boot in the Aero 8, no glovebox and a bonkers heating system that pours hot air onto your lap every time that mighty V8 clicks about 4000rpm. I swear you can smell oil burning sometimes too.

But just like an English summer, which isn’t as hot as the Med and often leaves you caught in a shower of unexpected rain, there’s not other car I’d want to be driving on a windy day in July…

The Morgan Cars PR guy is more enthusiastic than a fox in a hen house

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So, a bit of background first. I’ve written about cars for 30 years and never, ever driven a Morgan. What an admission. The problem was that the Morgan press office used to consist of a chap in a tweed jacket, eating a bacon sandwich and only answering the phone if the golf course was busy.

It was impossible to get a test car. Bristol used to be the same. If the PR jonny there thought you didn’t wear brogues and a tie, well, you’re not welcome in the club. Go and drive something bling, like a Bentley.

And so it was that yesterday I turned up at the factory in Malvern, where they have been building cars from wood and metal since 1908. The ‘factory’ is actually a rather ramshackle collection of single storey sheds that looks like a school. One that should have been demolished long before the Germans even had a chance to blitz them.

They now have a proper PR guy too and he’s more enthusiastic than a fox in a hen house. Brilliant. We did a factory tour together. I met a man who has been with the company since 1961 – that’s before the Beatles had their first hit.

I fell in love with the place.

About three hours later he handed me the keys to a spanking new Morgan Plus 8. I pressed the start button and frightened some children taking selfies in front of the bonnet. Within ten miles I realised what I’d been missing all these years. The ones spent in a draft free, climate-controlled cabin, fully anaethetised from the driving experience.

I don’t actually give a stuff where the Morgan is made but I like the fact it is truly British, owned by a British family who know the names of all their employees and use Gingham tablecloths in the canteen.

Tomorrow I’ll tell you about the car. Sorry if you’ve just bought a 911 but you just went for the sensible choice and perhaps forgot what driving a sports car is all about…

I’ve lusted after the Porsche 911 Targa for too long. I want more excitement for my £90k

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They say never meet your heroes – so what was I doing testing the Porsche 911 Targa then? The car I’ve lusted after since the 993 was presented to us journalists in Austria 20 years ago hasn’t quite lived up to expectation.

The folding hard top, silver hoop bar and chunky rear end really look the business. However, the Targa’s clinical driving experience has left me unmoved. I want more excitement for £90k.

911 Targa’s have niche appeal, slotting into the range between the coupe and cabriolet. I love the styling, the whole concept but why wasn’t I looking back longingly when I handed over the keys in Malvern today?

In contrast, I drove a Morgan Plus 8 test back to the Cotswolds afterwards. It’s raw, outrageously loud, a bit sweaty – and bloody amazing! I relished every second of that winding A road.

I’m at an age when comfort, economy and heated seats should be my priority. Maybe I’m a bit weird but I know which of these two open top cars I would like to own the most….