It may be the Easter Saturday traffic but I’m in a moody of unequalled grumpiness. Just why the British have nothing better to do than shop on the weekend is beyond me. That and reality TV is turning our brains to mush.
It’s the kind of day when I want to step out of my house and drive a car that rubs happiness onto my troubled brow. Instead, I’m being audibly assaulted by the Mitsubishi Outlander’s annoying array of warning sounds every time I go near the fecking thing.
For example, why do I need three loud beeps to tell me that the auto-boot closure is operating, when I have just pressed the button myself to operate it? One gently ping would be more than sufficient. There are warning bells for lane departure, door left open, gear select – all the things I actually know anyway.
But what really takes the biscuit is the fact the infotainment system on the Outlander is incredibly s-l-o-w. So when I slip the incredible gearlever into reverse and look at the rear-parking camera, the image doesn’t immediately show me the distance lines I would expect – or sound a distance alert!
The one bloody safety system I want to use is fast asleep. Frankly, I’m not impressed Mitsubishi…