Wednesday – Tweed+Merc=Tw*t

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You see all forms of life in Tesco, Stow-on-the-Wold. Is there a posher ‘normal’ supermarket in Gloucestershire – possibly not. The car park is crammed with a wide selection of vehicles too, from mud-splattered Land Rover Defenders, to Range Rovers and Audi Q8s.

I squeezed the Panda in to a slot next to woman who had two members of staff helping her load a Mercedes G-Wagon. While most people are worrying about their next food bill and we already have food banks operating around the country, she was whinging about fitting 24 bottles of champagne in a shopping trolley alongside her chubby sprog.

I took an instant dislike – it was impossible not too. Then her backside, supported by legs that could have propped up an oil rig, bumped into my wing mirror. No apologies, she just carried moaning on regardless.

So what a joy it was to see her later in Stow town centre, arguing with a traffic warden who had slapped a ticket on her Merc. I’m going to put that man forward for some kind of civic award. Tweed+Merc=Tw*t. You wouldn’t see that happen to a Panda 4×4….

Tuesday – Panda, By A Short Nose

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The weighing in room at Cheltenham Racecourse is an interesting place to watch this week’s festival unfold. A lot of small men, with weather beaten faces and multi-coloured silks tipping the scales at ridiculously low weights.

Around them, there’s a distinct whiff of cash from the owners and trainers who nervously wait to see if it is going to be their year at National Hunt’s premier event. Money is no object to many of them and the slickest way to arrive at the course these days is by helicopter, then Range Rover or like us, in a Fiat Panda 4×4!

It may look slightly Postman Pat but the two-cylinder engine of the 0.9 TwinAir was the perfect antidote to the mass of Range Rovers and Mercedes clogging up the entrance to the car park. The Panda was able to out manoeuvre all of them into the tiniest of spaces.

I am starting to warm to the Panda. It does have faults but if you are prepared to use the six-speed gearbox enthusiastically, it rewards you with a fun drive, especially in town. In the country, it lacks a bit of grunt, especially for overtaking.

Monday – Driving Down The King’s Road

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The debate over whether the Panda 4×4 is a fashion statement with four-wheel drive intent, or something of a  Noddy car, still rages. If you are going to drive it down the King’s Road in London on a Saturday lunchtime, I’d suggest it might turn heads for all the wrong reasons.

However, if you intend to use it as an occasional runabout in the country, it certainly looks the part. And imagine the joy of owning a supermini that can cope with the odd bit of floodwater, or even a snow flurry, when everything else is left by the wayside?

At least inside the cabin the Panda 4×4 is very chic for such a little car. The ‘squircles’ design – that’s square objects that have been round off at the edges – impact the design of everything, from the steering wheel to the interior door handles.

The latter are rather tricky to use because of it, while the aircraft-syle handbrake is awkward regardless. The Panda does;t come with a built-in sat nav system either. Instead, a TomTom is fixed to the top of the dashboard.

The problem with this is that as the Panda bounces along over anything rougher than a motorway surface, the screen vibrates with alarming results!

Sunday – Ugly Duckling Panda?

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‘A car so ugly only a mother could love it…’ Seems a bit unfair but that’s how a friend described the Fiat Panda 4×4. OK, it’s not the prettiest little car but it has a certain presence about it.

I would have to agree that ‘beefing up’ the standard Italian supermini hasn’t done it any favours. The extra body mouldings and polished metal scuff plates both front and rear add surprisingly little to the overall appeal.

But deep down inside, the Panda has a classless look – a sort of modern day 2CV that looks so different that you can’t help but warm to it.

I’m taking the Fiat to Cheltenham Races next week, so it’s going to have a baptism of fire among the well-heeled country set of Gloucestershire. And in deep green, I should be able to hold my head up high when I park it next to a line of Range Rovers…

Friday – Fiat Panda 4×4

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Readers of a certain age might remember the original Fiat Panda 4×4. It was launched in 1983 and really did look like a box on wheels.  Designed by Giorgetto Giugiaro – he styled the Ferrari 250 Berlinetta Bertone – it had the aerodynamics of a breeze block.

That first effort featured a noisy 43bhp engine and was the first small, transverse engined car to be fitted with four-wheel drive. And while people laughed, the Panda 4×4 was astoundingly good off-road and achieved something like cult status.

Surely it couldn’t have been that good? Well, competitors tackling the Mongol Rally still search high and low to find one for the drive to Mongolia. Unstoppable, crazy suspension but just what you need for driving across a ploughed field.

This latest model was launched two years and I can tell you that after only a handful of miles, it is also a very fine little car. Yes, it’s small on the inside and the styling may not be to your taste but it has one major plus in its favour, one you won’t buy with a Range Rover or BMW X5. It’s bloody good fun…

Thursday – Passat Vs Panda Shock!

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Last day with the VW Alltrack before we swap it for something altogether more rugged – the, ahem, Fiat Panda 4×4… Both are parked outside at the moment and while I pander for the Panda, I’ll miss the no-nonsense functionality of the Passat too.

After a ‘short’ life time of driving a different car every week, I’m starting to appreciate the comforts of a big estate. Especially one that comes with such a classless persona (if you can ignore the hefty price tag!). That’s what happens when you hit 50…

The outdoorsy image of the Alltrack is pretty subtle on the outside, while there’s just the logo splashed on the centre console inside to remind you that this is one Passat that can perform well off-road too.

The chrome roof rails, obligatory black plastic cladding on the wheel arches and bumpers, and the underbody protection panels are less in your face than they might sound.

So, a well-built, more practical alternative to a conventional SUV. The Alltrack is the prefect antidote to those over-sized 4x4s that do more to massage our egos than our actual needs.

Wednesday – The Understatedly Cool Passat?

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There was a time when the Passat estate was considered, ahem, not very cool. A middle of the road estate for people who didn’t really care how they got from A to B, as long as they got there.

There have been a few sporty and interesting versions along the way, the Passat has, after all, been around since 1973 when SUVs were a pipe dream and Britain first joined the EEC.

The Alltrack is by far the most expensive, not just because it has four-wheel drive but because it is fully loaded with every driving aid that VW could throw at it.

For all that, I think the Passat has developed an understated ‘cool’ – it stands for longevity, reliability and a classless aura that you just don’t get with a Mercedes or Audi estate.

Cool? Perhaps not in the true sense but I still look forward to driving it every day…

 

Tuesday – The Art of Cupholder

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Saab used to make wonderful cabins, the most comfortable seats and, of course, the very best upholders. Yes, once you had experienced a slick Swedish cupholder, nothing else would do.

In the Passat, VW play it safe with two slots, side by side in front of the arm rest. It’s a very ‘safe’ design – unlike the Saab 900, which had cupholders that popped out of the dashboard, to twist and turn into shape.

The trouble with the Alltrack holders is that you rarely trouble them with cups. They get used for keys, the wallet and whatever else you carry in your car. Plus, unlike fold-out dash systems, they fill up with fluff and dust. Or shards of chocolate.

Apart from that, the view from the driving seat of the Alltrack is pretty special. It feels every inch as special as an Audi and I feel instantly at home – like I’ve been driving the VW for years.

Could VW do better? Well yes, they could get the Swedish designer who created the Saab upholders in to add that extra finishing touch…

 

Monday – The Cut-Price Audi allroad

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A cut-price Audi allroad? Maybe but the Alltrack is a very decent off-roader in its own right. Living on a farm, there’s plenty of opportunity to put the VW’s off-road ability to the test – and that’s where most of the additional work on this Passat estate has been directed.

With the regular Passat’s ride height upped from 135 to 165mm, it can cope well enough with rutted tracks and pot-holed lanes. The 4MOTION system pushes 90 per cent of the power to the front wheels for everyday driving, then adjusts accordingly when the rear wheels start to lose grip.

Just like a Land Rover, the Alltrack has a hill descent system too, which takes all the skill out of slipping down a slippery slope. It works in conjunction with the DSG automatic gearbox and is simplicity itself.

On road, there is a wealth of safety equipment, like blind spot monitoring and lane assist. It’s a very competent car in the dirt and off. The perfect machine for a family? Yes, if you can justify the high price tag.

Sunday – When Heaters Were An Optional Extra

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The 1960s was a beautiful age of car making. Sadly, my father was more in to his garden than ‘digging’ his car. The result? A Hillman Husky estate (well worth a Google) than bore a remarkably sad face and was painted lifeless grey.

Cars like that can have a serious affect on a child. No wonder I grew up in the backseat looking at other, more aesthetically pleasing vehicles, wondering why we owned such a shed. Optional extras in the Hillman included way out luxuries, like a heater and a radio. We had neither – or a heated rear screen for that matter.

The Passat could be considered a new millennium equivalent of the Husky. An everyday family estate, of modest looks, it is, however, extraordinarily well-equipped in Alltrack form. My father would have marvelled just at electrically folding door mirrors, with LED integrated indicators and automatic dimming function.

He also never owned a car with heated seats, satellite navigation or rain sensing windscreen wipers for that matter. His vegetable garden was amazing though and we never went to bed hungry…