Spoiler alert – one whopping reason you might not like the Subaru WRX

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Now you can’t really road test a WRX without mentioning that luggage rack on the back. While Porsche, Audi and others try to discreetly hide their downforce bits, Subaru seem hell-bent on rubbing that whopping wing in your face.

It looks very silly indeed and I can’t honestly believe there wasn’t another way to keep the back wheels firmly planted on the road at high speed. So, we can safely assume people who buy the WRX actually like the thing – or they’d buy a Golf R wouldn’t they?

Hmmm… What does that say about WRX drivers I wonder? It’s really the gold medallion of spoilers. Something akin to turning up at a formal dinner party with your shirt open and a hairy chest on display.

I can almost hear the giggles as I drive the Subaru. Combined with the wide-mouthed frog air intake on the bonnet, I’ve now taken to wearing sunglasses at all times for fear of recognition.

There is nothing cool about the WRX. It may corner on rails and have a racing pedigree but as an everyday vehicle it does nothing to increase the size of your penis…

Anyone got a metal coat hanger? The radio in the Subaru WRX needs a proper aerial

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Anyone got a metal coat hanger? No, seriously, the WRX is famous for being an out-and-out driver’s car but I can only assume that such folk have no interest in the interior or the quality of the entertainment system.

The Subaru has a radio that receives the signal so badly that I actually stopped, got out and walked around to see if there was an old fashioned aerial that wasn’t fully extended. Coat hangers were always a good replacement.

There wasn’t – which means the WRX can really only entertain you on a twisty road. The rest of the time, you will be fiddling with a rather over-complicated media unit that appears to have more buttons than the Space Shuttle.

Obviously, no DAB and I still haven’t worked out how to connect by iPhone by Bluetooth. The dashboard display is messy and far from being a budget Nissan GT-R in disguise it all just looks and feels a bit 20 years ago…

Driving the Subaru WRX is like Richard Gere dating Roberts in Pretty Woman

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There’s a bejeweled saloon parked outside – splattered in spoilers and bling like a blonde-haired girl in a mini-skirt, tottering around on white stilettos.

Driving the WRX around the Cotswolds is the automotive equivalent of Richard Gere dating Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.

That huge air intake on the bonnet and comedy spoiler on the boot don’t sit easily with me. Especially when more conservative monsters like the Golf R and BMW M135i are equally impressive contenders.

At least there’s nothing retro about that burbling 2.5-litre engine. It sounds fantastic and turns heads for the right reasons. A week of sideways fun ahead? Sounds good to me…

The Discovery Sport may have all the style of a surgical stocking but it’s still the best SUV out there

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SUV couture – there’s not a lot of it around. The Hyundai Santa Fe and Porsche Macan have something but otherwise it’s a pretty barren field for parents wanting to make an impact at the school gates.

You only have to look at the Bentley Bentayga to realise that even with a stack of cash, designers have a major head-cluck when it comes to creating something pretty that stands high off the ground.

The Discovery Sport has all the visual appeal of a surgical stocking but it’s arguably still just about the best mid-range SUV out there. Audi Q5, BMW X3 and Mazda CX-5 may care to differ. The Volvo XC90 is probably the best.

Ultimately, it may come down to the badge on the bonnet. The Discovery isn’t just an SUV made by a ‘car’ company. It’s also a Land Rover, with the all the ability, heritage and kudos that goes with it.

That could be enough to sway many people…

Your first step on the ladder to Land Rover ownership starts with the Discovery Sport

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If you haven’t seen images of the new Land Rover Defender yet, it’s well worth a Google. The replacement for the farmer’s favourite won’t be around until 2018, which makes the Discovery Sport even more important for Land Rover at present.

With the Freelander gone, there’s currently nothing to plug the gap at entry level – meaning the Sport is your first step on the ladder to Land Rover ownership.

Not that many farmers will be looking at a Sport. It’s far too street SUV for hacking across a field.One thing’s for sure though, the Sport is hugely economical by comparison.

I’m getting around 43mpg in everyday use without even trying. There are more frugal SUVs on the market and with lower emissions but for a land Rover, this is ridiculously thrifty to run…

The Land Rover Discovery Sport can take the rough with the smooth

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I can’t say I’m in love with the conservative styling of the Discovery Sport but I do love the way it rides. It’s a little firm but the Land Rover becomes supremely comfortable at higher speeds.

It’s especially good a bounding along a country A-road – tackling the occasional pothole and rut with consummate ease, just as you would expect of a Land Rover.

The Sport is more rugged than the refined Range Rover Evoque but there are obvious parallels to be drawn between the two. The Disco is less of a sporty saloon and more of a heavyweight cruiser.

And if you do have an occasion to put it down an off-road track, the Discovery will be an easy-to-use and rewarding companion. It’s not quite a Range Rover but will perform just as well in the rough stuff…

The new Land Rover Discovery Sport Stop-Start-Stop engine you need to avoid

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I’ve been driving cars for over 30 years now. I think I’m quite good at it. There are some that feel right and others which trip me up when I slip behind the wheel and start pressing buttons for the first time.

The Discovery Sport is intuitive in most respects – just like an emission-friendly Golf or a Porsche Boxster. The Land Rover flatters drivers and makes you feel good about yourself.

It’s all very clever except for one thing… The stop-start system has a nasty habit of encouraging the engine to stall at junctions. Once could be a mistake on my part but four times in as many days is an issue.

To boot up the engine, you have to knock it out of gear and do a total re-start. Of course, I’m driving the entry level manual, it couldn’t happen with the auto. There’s no quick fix and I’ve had a couple of embarrassing moments holding up a queue of traffic behind me.

My advice is buy the auto…

Where your Land Rover Discovery Sport is placed in the SUV pecking order of cars

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Land Rover would tell you that the new Discovery Sport is much more than just a tweaked Freelander. It’s part of the Discovery family ‘leisure’ brand – that’s for families who need space and like to get their wheels muddy once in a blue moon.

Range Rover (that’s Evoque, Sport and full-fat model) is for people who seek luxury. Which leaves the forthcoming new Defender to mop up the rest and be more of an all-rounder than the original, hardcore version. What a shame!

Anyway, I’m pleased to report that the Disco Sport is good. It’s very good in fact and will tick just about every box you want it to. That includes Space – tick, Practicality – tick, Badge image – tick, and Comfort – tick.

As Car Couture likes to consider styling a priority too, I can’t claim to be blown away by the Sport. It looks as bland as the rest of the SUV offerings on the market and there’s precious little premium ‘feel’ about the cabin.

Tons of kit yes but there’s nothing BMW/Audi about the quality…

A big Discovery? Is Land Rover’s new Sport up to scratch…

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Hyundai Santa Fe, Volvo XC60, Audi Q5 – premium brand SUVs that family drivers everywhere secretly coo over in the supermarket car park.

The old Land Rover Freelander was part of the same pack but never quite got over the dull image of the first generation model. Shame really, because the final Freelander II was a bloody good motor.

Land Rover is unashamedly targeting this huge corner of the market with the Sport – and judging by first impressions, it’s going to do very well indeed.

On the driveway today is the e-Capability – the brand new eco version.

I’m worried because the figures suggest it’s sluggish, 0-60mph in 11 seconds. The full-fat Discovery Sport with 178bhp has very decent mpg already and is quite sprightly by comparison.

Do we need a lighter more frugal version? Join us for a week to find out….

The Volvo XC90 is the ‘nanny state’ of family cars

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There’s no doubting the XC90 is one of the finest SUVs on the market. Even so, I’ve discovered some niggling faults over the last seven days which would annoy me if this was my own car.

The XC90 is overladen with safety devices. What’s wrong with that? Well, obviously, we all want to be safe but the Volvo is the equivalent of the ‘nanny state’ with simply too many devices to keep you on the road.

You can switch off the lane departure system but with it active, the steering wheel vibrates when you change lanes and it gently tries to ‘push’ you back into the right place – unless you press the indicator stalk of course.

However, I was taught that you only indicate when another road user benefits. With the Volvo, you could be driving down a motorway with no other cars around in the middle of the night and the system still vibrates and squeals.

The impact warning system that flashes red lights and sounds an alarm when it detects an imminent impact isn’t foolproof. It will detect a parked car on a corner and suspect a crash – when you are simple driving past.

Finally, the gears can be frustrating, not letting you select ‘drive’ in automatic mode unless the handbrake has been deactivated. It’s not as bad as a Maserati Ghibli but you get the picture.

I guess people buy big Volvos to be safe – it’s the key message of the company. For me, I like to think my driving skills and instincts can cope with many of the things the Volvo wants to do for me. And for that, the XC90 won’t be everybody’s cup of tea…