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If it don’t fit, force it – the Audi SQ7

Technology was never my strong point. Once, I almost blew up the science lab at school. I’m still struggling with the three remote controls that make my television work.

So trying to get my head around ‘forced induction’ was never going to be easy.

As far as I can work out, that means the SQ7 has something more than the standard twin turbochargers fitted to most high performance cars these days.

Somewhere down in the depths of that engine is a system called EPC, or electric powered compressor. It completely eliminates turbo lag – that split second in a turbo car when you press the accelerator and nothing happens.

In the youth of my driving career, turbo lag was an absolute pain. It still happens in many modern cars but nowhere near as bad.

Audi has solved the problem in the SQ7 – albeit with technology I will never understand. It’s brilliant but beyond my Grade U maths brain.

What it does mean is that I can pull out during overtaking without fear of being mushed. Which has to be a good thing…

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The fast and the furious – the Audi SQ7 is both

First things first, the SQ7 is fast, mighty fast. That’s extra surprising because it’s so damn quiet, even at motorway speeds. It’s like a cut-price, souped up Range Rover, only not as cute.

Scratch the surface though and there is plenty of technology packed inside. The engine management system borrows from F1 and you even opt for adaptive anti-roll bars on the chassis.

The SQ7 can still lean into a corner but chances are, you will lose your nerve before it does. Anyone in the back row of seats will likely throw up too.

I can report that on a drive back from London this morning, I averaged 38mpg. That’s fairly astounding considering how large and powerful the SQ7 is…

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What you really need to know about the Mercedes AMG GT S

So what do you really need to know about the Mercedes AMG GT S? Well, here’s my tick list of things that you might not discover from an hour-long test drive…

The seats are ridiculous hard! Trust me, I’ve had passengers of all shapes and sizes in the GT S. And NOBODY has got out without commenting on the silly, race-tuned seats. It’s supposed to be a grand tourer. My hips are aching as I write this. Top of your options list should be a couple of soft scatter cushions.

The upright infotainment screen really doesn’t disappear into the dashboard! You know it’s fixed in that upright position but trust me, you will still try and push it away. Yep, it’s that incongruous.

Mind the gap. The doors are very heavy. No surprise in a car this size and rather reassuring BUT they do need a good slam.

The auto dip/full-beam system is lazy. I know it’s been an Easter Bank holiday but why do they take so long to dip in the face of oncoming traffic? Wake up in there!

Luggage space is minimal. On top of that, the door pockets are virtually pointless because they are so narrow and made of stretch material. You need two hands to insert something – not advisable at speed.

On the up side – it’s way better looking that a Porsche 911, will win more admiring glances and sounds fantastic. As a driver’s car? Well, it still lags behind the user-friendly Porsche – and the brilliant McLaren 540 is only a few bucks more…

A nice problem to have.

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Spoiler alert – the ugly Betty dashboard of the Mercedes AMG GT S

It’s almost Easter and I don’t want to upset you with a photograph of something very ugly indeed. The shocking thing is, the ‘something’ in question is inside the Mercedes AMG GT S.

They say that beauty is only skin deep and in this case, they might be right. Because although the Merc grand tourer is exceptionally pretty to behold, it isn’t so cute from the driver’s seat.

Yes, it’s another case of the ugly carbuncle of an infotainment system. Standing proud on the dashboard of the GT is a screen that looks like it was screwed on as an afterthought.

Now, I know some manufacturers of lesser cars can magically make a screen disappaear into the dash when not required. It makes for cleaner lines and a more pleasing design.

So please, can Mercedes do the same? The GT is such a gorgeous car that is deserves sp much better in the cabin….

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Mercedes AMT GT S – take a soft cushion because the seats are made of rock

Staying in remote Irish lighthouses is fine – except there’s little chance to update a motoring blog. Internet coverage doesn’t exist and when it does, the moment is fleeting.

So after four days with the GT S I can tell you it is one hot car. Blistering pace, a raucous exhaust note and the sort of head-turning looks normaly reserved for a McLaren.

Park it next to a Porsche 911 Turbo and you will ALWAYS get the plaudits. Yep, it’s that smart.

On the road, the 911 is a more accomplished beast. The Merc feels (and is) big. It doesn’t inspire confidence like the Porsche and you could easily become unstuck on a wet, winding road.

Joyous to steer, my main complaint would be the ridiculously hard seats. A 40 minute test drive probably wouldn’t reveal the problem – besides you would be too in awe to notice.

However, any longer and believe me, for a Grand Tourer, you will suffer a very sore backside. On rough Irish roads the car can be a bloody nightmare after an hour. We had to stop for coffee.

My advice – take a soft cushion…

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Time to pull on the right sunglasses – Mercedes AMG GT S

I have a collection of sunglasses. Mostly handed out as gifts at press events, I generally stick to my own bug-eyed Raybans.

The most expensive pair are made by Zegna. They’re beyond cool and for a gentleman ‘of a certain age’ you really have to be in the right place to wear them out.

Today is definitely a Zegna day, thanks to the AMG GT S. This is no AMG go-faster version of a Mercedes. This is an out and out sports car with brute force and incredible looks.

It’s all wrapped up in an aluminium body that makes the AMG irrestistable to drive.

We’re just off to catch a ferry to Ireland. Provided I can find some wifi in the west, we’ll be back with more tomorrow…

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Jaguar F-Type or E-Type – you decide…

Just taken delivery of a 1971 Jaguar E-Type coupe – on loan from global classic hire company Turo (www.turo.com). Ironic it should arrive as the F-Type goes.

The Series III V12 was one of the last incarnations of the ‘E’ – purists will tell you it was probably the least attractive too. However, who could deny that this isn’t a fantastic looking machine – even in yellow?

With E-Type prices through the roof over the last ten years, both cars are now valued about the same. So where would you spend your £135,000 I wonder?

Well, the only thing for sure is that the F-Type will go down in value and the E will go up. Maybe in 40 years time that will change and our F-Type SVR model will soar. It certainly has the exclusivity that will one day make it collectable.

When I owned mine own 1963 Series I, a dear friend of great stature in the motoring world told me that one of the true pleasures in life was looking down the bonnet of an E-Type.

I just wonder if they will ever say that about the F-Type…

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Are you sure you want to drive an orange Jaguar F-Type SVR?

Dubai – home of the craziest-coloured cars on the planet. For some reason, even yellow supercars ‘work’ over there. But in grey England, what kind of person orders an orange Jaguar F-Type?

I must make a disclosure here. One of my first cars was an orange Datsun 120Y. Why indeed, you might ask. Well, it was my father’s motor and although he was as conservative as they come, orange must have been the only choice left on the forecourt.

So I bought it off him for a knockdown price , drove it college for six months and then swapped it for a silly Alfa Romeo GT Junior that rusted to the driveway. I would have kept the Datsun had it been a sensible colour.

Which means I really do struggle with the orange F-Type. A conservative grey would be much more ‘me’ and besides, I simply don’t know anyone these days would would buy an orange car.

Even if Jaguar choose to call the paint Firesand…

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A Porsche-beater? The Jaguar F-Type SVR comes pretty close

I’m quite surprised to be writing this but Jaguar has finally built something approaching supercar status with the SVR.

Surprised because as good as the F-Type is, it has never really impressed me as an out and out sports car. Something was missing – namely a very powerful engine.

Well, the SVR has nailed it. This is a seriously quick motor that will test even the most talented of drivers.

It’s not only devastatingly loud – it is sensationallly quick. And with four-wheel drive, well, there’s very little to beat it on a winding country lane.

A Porsch 911 beater? Maybe not but for most people with a passion for motoring it will come mightily close…

 

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Le Mans has come to the Cotswolds – Jaguar F-Type SVR

 

Lordy, it sounds like Le Mans has come to the Cotswolds today. The hottest day of the year so far means everybody is out in their polished weekend-mobile.

Me? Well, I’m scaring the Lycra off every cyclist driving the F-Type SVR. If you want LOUD then look no further than this monster of a convertible.

The standard F sounds cool but the SVR is quite simply, awesome. That’s due to a revised exhaust that cackles and pops every time the left paddle is given a tug. Crazy.

And with the top down, well, the soundtrack is memorable. At least around town it’s possible to turn the tubes off to save looking a complete tit.

Oh and it’s orange too…